free granny sex tube An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

porn sex movie clips “I also despise whistlers”

big brother nude sex Leta is reading a book in her room after school. Side note: on a recent trip to the library she checked out six books and read all of them within two days. Yes, I’m bragging. Wanna arm wrestle? You’ll probably beat me, but that doesn’t matter. Because my kid is still a better reader than you.

my pussy smells bad Suddenly she hears whistling outside her door, so she jumps off of her bed and pokes her head into the hallway. No one is there so she returns to her book. Had this been me, I would have taken my book into the hallway, found the whistling culprit (Tyrant, he who whistles as much as he breathes, he who whistles off key, he who whistles random, senseless notes that resemble no song ever written because he knows it’ll get into your brain and nibble on critical synapses), and smacked him in the head. And it wouldn’t have been illegal because no judge on earth is going to side with a whistler.

full xxx sex movies Leta hasn’t lived enough life to consider violence as an option, although one day we will have that discussion: 1) attack if you feel like your life is in danger, 2) attack if you feel like someone else’s life is in danger, and finally 3) attack anyone blowing air through their lips.

mature bbw porn video She again hears whistling in the hallway, so she gets up to inspect. She sees no one and returns to her book. This scenario repeats itself six or seven times. You’ve got to admire that kind of patience. I mean, that’s six or seven times too many. I’m as liberal as you can get when it comes to gun rights, but if someone is going to menace my child with whistling I don’t see anything wrong with owning a machete.

sex videos on internet Oh my god, people are going to take me seriously, aren’t they? You guys, I would never harm a whistler. I might hire someone to, but I’d totally cover my tracks, okay?

nude picture of stars Finally, after an eighth encounter with this indiscriminate whistling, Leta ventures out into the hallway to figure out what’s going on. This is what Tyrant has been waiting for all along, and he abruptly jumps out from behind a wall and roars. You know what? Roar all you want, dude. Meow. Bray. Imitate a hyena. Burp the alphabet. BECAUSE THEN YOUR MOUTH CANNOT BE USED FOR WHISTLING.

under water sex video Leta doesn’t flinch. In fact, she just stands there blinking her eyes.

www hot sex stories “Did I scare you?” Tyrant asks, confused. I mean, she is my daughter. And all he has to do is imagine the word SPIDER while standing next to me and I will scream while seeking shelter underneath the couch.

hot sexy naked teenagers “No,” she answers. “But you did ANNOY me.”

videos of painful sex Don’t worry. I high-fived her on behalf of all of us.

porn tube mother daughter 22 Comments
  • HowToBeADad

    free sex video rough 2012/05/24 at 2:03 pm

    free bikini sex movies If you’re at BlogHer, I will arm wrestle you. But you will probably win.

    lesbians having good sex Charlie, alex castro nude video

  • William

    anime free video porn 2012/05/24 at 2:09 pm

    super models nude pics MY money would be with you against Charlie at arm wrestling.

  • HowToBeADad

    brooke marks full nude 2012/05/24 at 2:22 pm

    free home movies sex Dude, William. I’m allowed to self-deprecate. But that was just MEAN! 😉

  • kristanhoffman

    student sex parties freeones 2012/05/24 at 2:30 pm

    movie sex scene archive Leta FTW Armstrong.

  • brightpirate

    father daughter porn stories 2012/05/24 at 2:31 pm

    asian girls kissing nude This might be my favorite Dooce post ever. EVER.

  • billysSillyCoconut

    christina aguilera porn star 2012/05/24 at 2:32 pm

    softcore lesbian porn videos Leta has absolutely been alive long enough to consider violence as an option. She just doesn’t have any brothers.

    miley cyrus's nude pics Signed,

    elizabeth berkley showgirls sex Mother of 2 boys

  • dooce

    sarah chalke fake nude 2012/05/24 at 2:54 pm

    epic movie mystique sex @billysSillyCoconut haha! True!

  • tnzed

    best free porn sits 2012/05/24 at 3:07 pm

    star wars parody porn I have decided that J. K. Rowling based a certain Hermione Granger on the yet-to-be born Leta Armstrong. And that my friends, really is magic.

  • lisdom

    tube free sex porn 2012/05/24 at 3:08 pm

    teen nudist beauty pageants It’s so nice to know someone who hates whistlers/whistling as much as I do. My #1 question for whistlers is this: Why do you think ANYBODY wants to hear that? Because nobody does!! NOBODY.

  • EliBailey

    ebony porn tube sites 2012/05/24 at 3:27 pm

    housewives of atlanta nude Yay Leta! That’s awesome. Also I agree with billysSillyCoconut (I have four older brothers).

    housewives free porn videos My husband whistles sometimes, for no apparent reason other than to drive me crazy. I retaliate by burping as loud as possible. We’re so grown up, eh?

  • big dog momma

    wet teen pussy clips 2012/05/24 at 3:30 pm

    reese witherspoon naked photos Whistling? Pshaw! We have a *hummer* in my office! He can’t go two seconds without humming a tune! Give me a whistler any day of the year, but take that damned hummer outside and shoot him! (not as liberal as you, I’ll take a gun over a machete). 🙂

  • jillm5

    rose mcgowen sex scenes 2012/05/24 at 3:46 pm

    black girl fat pussy I despise all whistling and whistlers!

  • tokenblogger

    free homemade wife sex 2012/05/24 at 4:11 pm

    miley cyrus naked pictures I got nothing. I whistle…

    free casting porn videos …and hum.

    fatal teen car crash And I don’t even know I’m whistling or humming.

  • Regency Romantic

    spring break nude party 2012/05/24 at 4:22 pm

    me and my pussy I bet she said it with perfectly disapproving eyebrows, too.

    straight porn for women I want to high five her AND buy her a root beer float. Just awesome. 🙂

  • jenwilson

    miss teen louisiana 2008 2012/05/24 at 8:02 pm

    free sex pic s In our house, whistlers get yelled at. By my five-year-old.

    free lesbian seduction stories I’m quite impressed that Leta didn’t jump five feet. But then, maybe it was because she knew SOMEONE or SOMETHING was there? (Or maybe just I would have because I’m a wuss.)

    vaness hudgens naked pics She definitely deserved that high five.

  • MelissaJ

    black girl nude video 2012/05/24 at 8:47 pm

    download free teen movies no, but you did ANNOY me.

    free streaming porn categories that has got to be the greatest line an 8 year old has ever spoken. it brings a bit of a tear to my eye.

    girls get fully naked thank you for high-5ing her for us!

    little kid haveing sex tell her that she has made the internet proud!

  • MelissaJ

    sexy girls porno movies 2012/05/24 at 8:47 pm

    free porn sex pic no, but you did ANNOY me.

    download 3gp sex videos that has got to be the greatest line an 8 year old has ever spoken. it brings a bit of a tear to my eye.

    peta wilson sex tape thank you for high-5ing her for us!

    sex with the girl tell her that she has made the internet proud!

  • Babydoll

    heidi wheeler nude pics 2012/05/25 at 12:22 am

    kari from mythbusters naked This made my day. It’s a mark of good parenting that Leta also despises whistlers.

    free latina teen videos Remember – the only rule of Whistling Club is don’t.

    live nude webcam chats doocecom.uoycbnb4-liquidwebsites.com/2010/06/23/will-certainly-be-added-sarahs-list

  • Sabine

    asian free porn pics 2012/05/25 at 7:28 am

    video de mexicanas porno I just love her. I especially love that she’s been a curmudgeon more or less all her life.

  • Sully

    big dick cartoon porn 2012/05/25 at 8:58 am

    brandi c porn videos I have a male version of Leta. He reads and then reads and then reads. He isn’t as dramatic, but can squeal/shriek if anyone messes with him so that he doesn’t get bullied because the noise is so horrific.

    sexy nude strip videos Getting to my point, a couple of weeks ago, MaleLeta was in the restroom doing his nightly bedtime routine. While he is in there my husband gets under the covers on MaleLeta’s bed and pulls the cover over his face. MaleLeta returns to his room and notices something on his bed. He pats and knows someone is in there. At this point, I would have run screaming from the room for my parents. Nope, he pulls the covers back to see what/ who is under there.

    mother 46 daughter nude Craziness. Why is he not a chicken like me? My parents let me see scary things on TV. Maybe that is to blame.

  • momof8

    bloodrayne movie sex scene 2012/05/26 at 1:16 am

    sex for women videos Leta = Awesome!

  • Lara

    download sex video clip 2012/05/30 at 1:13 pm

    zac efron nude protopage Oh, sweet Jesus, I have missed your blog! See, I used to have a job, where I had all the time in the world to check dooce.com once a day, if not more. But then I had a BABY, and she is the most time-consuming boss EVER, so I never have time to check in with you now that I’m staying at home. Leta’s annoyance totally made my afternoon nap time. Totally worth not laying down for a little shut-eye myself!

under 18 teen girls

hot naked milfs videos

Heather B. Armstrong

adult nude webcam chat Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

vanessa hudgens nude star fast streaming porn videos

phat pussy and ass to see naked girls Savedrunk mardi gras sex Save