free sex girl image An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

the candy shop porno Memorial Day in the middle of winter

extreme brutal anal sex We spent the holiday weekend at my mother’s cabin in the high desert, every one of us huddled up in fleece coats and layers of blankets because the average temperature out there was Antarctica degrees. We ventured outside only to feed the penguins.

nude girls in bondage

sex references in disney My mother stopped by our house on Friday and took Marlo out there with her early, and then we headed up after picking up Leta from school. This is crucial to note only because we have never driven anywhere with Marlo in the car for more than thirty minutes. MAYBE THIRTY-FIVE IF WE’VE SMOKED SOME WEED.

real sweet lesbian kiss She likes going places, but she doesn’t actually like what it requires to get there: patience. After about ten minutes in her car seat she morphs into a flailing, angry drunk who is certain she’s been tricked and you can all go to hell.

heavy bleeding during sex

full length lesbian movies So we had the pleasant seven-year-old for the two-hour drive out. Pleasant right up until the DVD ended, and then she turned into every child in every movie that features a road trip:

horse sex porn free “This is longest car ride everrrrrrrr.”

brittney spears porn pics “We are never going to get there!

free blonde lesbian videos “WHY AREN’T WE THERE ALREADY?!”

butt naked black hoes “It’s taking so long that we are going to be dead before we get there!”

top lesbian sex sites (Ten minutes pass and we arrive at the cabin)


final fantasy tifa sex (Is it bipolar disorder or every seven-year-old who ever lived disorder?)

cody lane naked pics

free fat milf porn As we were driving through the town that signals we’re just minutes from our destination, Jon told Leta to look around. Did she see any signs or clues as to where we might be? Like, the high school? The post office? Did she see any words that would indicate just how close we were? Like the giant billboard reading WELCOME TO DUCHESNE.

latina free porn movies She saw none of it, and kept yelling, “I see a tree! What does that mean?!”

free public porn clips “Keep looking,” Jon urged from the front seat.

kim kardishian sex tape “Um…” she continued. “Oh, there’s a sign. RV Camping?”

black on white porn Jon shook his head, “No, we’re not going camping, Leta.”

lesbian strap on hentai Not sure why, but that hit my funny bone so hard that I randomly shouted, “ARE VEE CAMPING?!” all weekend in a German accent. And Leta thought it was the funniest thing that has ever happened in the world. So she made me tell everyone that whole story over and over again.

free porno streaming movies “ARE VEE CAMPING?!

teen girls in latex “NOOOO! VEE ARE NOT CAMPING!

cum shot porn clips Since it was too cold for outside activities that night, we all gathered in the middle of the cabin to tell stories like the one above. My sister’s ten-year-old twin boys had joined us for the trip, so you can probably guess that things devolved pretty quickly into Things of a Grosser Nature. However, it was Leta who couldn’t take it anymore and blurted out, “UUGGHHH! COULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL A BUTT JOKE?”

free real amatuer porn Seriously. Enough with the jokes about husbands and wives and people walking into bars. What this party needs is butts.

video dei simpson porno (Quite a proud moment for me as a mother.)

free porn mom son

free hardcore lesbian pics Fast forward to yesterday morning. My mother offered to take Leta home, but since she didn’t have enough room for four kids in her car, we’d have to take the angry drunk. Jon and I braced for the impact.

child sex in thailand WE ARE DOING THIS. That’s what we repeated to each other in an effort to convince ourselves that it wouldn’t be the most awful two hours of our lives. It would be four times the maximum amount of time we had ever spent in a car with that kid. Also, it was snowing. Just add in a podcast where two geeks are getting angry at each other about processors AND BEHOLD: MY DEFINITION OF HELL.

hot male celeb nude Well, I’m here writing this. We survived. And today I’d like to pay tribute to that entire bag of fudge striped cookies: YOU ARE THE TODDLER WHISPERER.

paris hilton bald pussy 27 Comments
  • ADDGirl

    belinda video porno gratis 2011/05/31 at 12:20 pm

    hbo real sex 1 HAHA! When I was little we went camping with my sister who at the time was about 3 or 4. Our orange pop top Volkswagen van kept overheating in the mountains and breaking down, and every time we stopped she would get excited and say “is this camping?” “are we camping now?”. Now I’m imagining it in German accents. Awesome.

  • jon

    porn username and password 2011/05/31 at 12:24 pm

    free interracial asian porn Also? I did not play any podcasts while Heather was awake. KEEP THE NERD COMING, PODCASTER BROS.

  • KristiBug

    nude video of girl 2011/05/31 at 12:37 pm

    free lesbian ebony movies NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo, NOT THE COOKIES!

    videos porno largos gratis Bwahahahahahha! 🙂 I’m very glad you survived!

  • smithie1996

    savage grace sex scenes 2011/05/31 at 12:40 pm

    woman having hardcore sex Driving in cars with small children – the most likely place where I will definitely do the things I swore I’d never do when I had kids.

    sex with girlfriends mother Candy bar? SURE!
    Punch flavored with toxic dyes that turn your mouth green? SURE!
    Ten hours of movies? SURE!
    Anything you want and more? SURE!

    sara jean underwood sex A moment of silence in the car? Priceless.

  • Daddy Scratches

    mature older hairy pussy 2011/05/31 at 12:40 pm

    lesbian sluts eating pussy We have been making round-trip drives from Boston to Philly with the kids in tow since they each were infants, so they, fortunately, were conditioned at a young age to withstand long road trips.

    my wife sex stories Of course, the fact that we do that ride almost exclusively at night, and the kids spend most of the trip asleep, also helps.

    tube mom sex videos That and the tequila-spiked juice cups.

    porn movie sex scene I should stop talking now.

    sex pictures of men Sorry you had a cold Memorial Day. That’s just wrong.

  • Anthony from CharismaticKid

    search free porn tube 2011/05/31 at 12:43 pm

    free video cam porn I agree! Don’t children change their opinions on something in the course of 10 seconds? I love their thought process sometimes.

  • benderhill

    girl strips naked video 2011/05/31 at 1:21 pm

    free porn password list I’m fairly certain that if Marlo ever meets my 15-month old, Charlotte, they would quickly devise a plan to take over the world leaving us, drooling and powerless, in their wake.

    lesbian tit licking videos Also, I am totally that parent who whips out and presents to my 4 year old the ipad and/or dvd player the second the bing sounds in the airplane cabin to signal that it’s okay to use personal electronic devices. And he’s allowed to watch whatever he wants and for as long as he wants. I DARE SOMEONE TO JUDGE.

    taya parker nude videos Finally, my newest travel friend is a giant jar of disposable earplugs from CVS as the above mentioned 15-month old is prone to bouts of high pitched screaming for no reason whatsoever.

    jane krakowski sex video My husband has put a recent ban on air travel with her. I’m hoping we can fly again before she’s 16.

    free tube porn sex I am happy you survived.

  • SugarShopSweets

    nude females on beach 2011/05/31 at 1:32 pm

    free taiwan sex videos Glad you made it!

    sex toys in uk Car rides with small kids…uuugh!
    We recently took our two year old tyrant on a 7 hour trip. Thank God for portable dvd players and Toy Story. She played it over and over and over agin. By the end of the trip my husband and I were playing the parts of the movie. I was Jessie, Rex, Barbie, Woody and he was Buzz, Al, Stinky Pete. After a while of what must have sounded like total lunacy in the car, she started kicking the back of my seat to get us to shut up!

  • ChickWhitt

    free machine porn clips 2011/05/31 at 1:32 pm

    pastor melissa scott naked I bet if she were actually drunk she’d be quite pleasant.

    riding a bike naked Sometime you should accidentally fill her sippy cup from the grownup cooler.

  • lafemmeroar

    lesbian sex party pics 2011/05/31 at 2:03 pm

    rate my teen ass Let me just add that fudge stripe cookies are the SINGLE WOMAN’S WHISPERER as well 🙂

  • Owensmom

    free old naked men 2011/05/31 at 2:24 pm

    natalie portman nude clip What beautiful pictures of your girls!

    denise milani nude picture We were on the road yesterday with our 16month old and thanks to a crazy police chase, Interstate 81 was closed and backed up for MILES. It took us an extra 4 hours to get home. Needless to say it was an agonizing trip.

    dad an daughter porn Next time I’ll pack some fudge stripes!

  • Laura Mauk

    free pussy on pussy 2011/05/31 at 2:36 pm

    free non nude pic I bow down. I am home bound until Sabine is three. I have tiny, tiny balls and am terrified of a long car trip or plane ride. She cries in the stroller after twenty minutes for godsakes. I am IMPRESSED.

  • reelmomof4

    cartoon girl having sex 2011/05/31 at 2:47 pm

    angie love porn star I did not read the other responses, but I’m just saying that desperate times call for desperate measures. So if it has been said 50 other times, sorry. WE have been known to do the same, but with M&M mini’s… It can get ugly.

  • piperlady

    best real sex videos 2011/05/31 at 2:56 pm

    trinity pawling sex abuse Oh my god, Heather – your Marlo and my 18-month old daughter sound like lost-at-birth nightmare twin toddlers from hell. Imagine driving to St. George with one (or both of them) in the car, WHICH I DID LAST WEEKEND. I had to envision huge bong hits the whole entire trip.
    But the sunshine was worth it.

  • tallnoe

    rough sex porn sites 2011/05/31 at 4:33 pm

    nude cute little girls Come on now… where is the picture of Marlo after the fudge cookies?? I mean, it’s gotta be priceless. Kind of like my goddaughter after oreos in the car.

  • Carol Shwanda

    lesbian having sex picture 2011/05/31 at 6:02 pm

    free soft core sex I once breastfed my crying one-year old in her car seat for 8 hours on our drive home from Disneyland. It was only way I could keep her from screaming.
    pussy in white panties

  • NicoleC

    betty boop sex video 2011/05/31 at 8:55 pm

    really good porn videos The best thing about my children being car sick can be summed up in one word….Dramamine. Makes for a quiet ride…but never quiet enough for geeky podcasts.

  • Momofthree

    tamil girls sex photo 2011/05/31 at 9:44 pm

    pics of naked girls Imagine my surprise when I see the above picture posted on your website. Wow, I thought, that totally looks like my hometown of Duchesne!! No way is Dooce actually staying in Duchesne… OMG she did. The posts you do about growing up in the south could easily be replaced with Duchesne LOL! My parents still live there and we visit often from Salt Lake. The drive is horrid I agree. And just so you know, the liquor store closes early:)

  • Camels and Chocolate

    sex education and school 2011/05/31 at 10:00 pm

    tila tequila nude vagina Re: the weather, tell me about it! My husband and I thought mid-May sounded like a great time to break our Salt Lake City seal and visit the lovely Utah capital for the first time. We were met with monsoons and snow, even. Good thing I packed 17 sundresses and no water-resistant apparel!

  • apostate

    japanese girl dog sex 2011/05/31 at 11:10 pm

    code geass porn pictures Whenever our family makes our annual cabin trip to Duchesne, we always make a point to stop at the Dairy Keen in Heber for lunch. I think your kids would like it and it helps to break up the trip.
    I’ve enjoyed the Cami series. Has the BYU gestapo commented on the hemlines? I do hope they don’t try to pull a “Chad Hardy” on her. 😉

  • The Woman Formerly Known as Beautiful

    pictures of woman nude 2011/06/01 at 1:20 am

    incest sex father daughter My children can’t abide my road trip vivacity which is why they spiked my Yoo Hoo with Benzodiazepine on our way to SLC for Spring break. I woke up on the toilet at Fran’s Ranch in Beatty, Nevada with a Star of David branded on my ass.

  • The Woman Formerly Known as Beautiful

    jessica alba video porn 2011/06/01 at 1:22 am

    bart and marge nude Or was it Angel Moroni’s horn? Hmmm.

  • giantmt

    mature porn videos tube 2011/06/01 at 6:20 am

    workout in the nude I live with my 91 year old Grandmother who has dementia, so she doesn’t have to live in a nursing home. When she saw the picture of Marlo, she said her first clear words in two days: “She’s beautiful!”

    zane sex chronicles website Just thought you’d like to know that a 91year old that thinks she’s watching a parade every day in my bedroom, thinks your daughter is beautiful. 🙂

    nude girl with braces teen girls dancing nude

  • Lucy Grogan

    sundance channel green porno 2011/06/01 at 6:43 am

    fat pussy in panties Fantastic post! I could just imagine it! The cabin looks beautiful and I totally would have cracked up at that RV Camping thing too.

  • JWysok

    free porn video russian 2011/06/01 at 10:12 am

    helen hunt porn video And according to your masthead, it’s April! 😉

  • srising

    nikki fritz nude pictures 2011/06/01 at 11:35 am

    anime sex game free That’s a beautiful picture of Marlo. 🙂

  • dackerma

    free porn biggest dicks 2011/06/01 at 1:32 pm

    sex dogs and girls thanks for the laugh!

russian rape sex videos

gianna michaels sex pro

Heather B. Armstrong

free porn videos amatuer Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

lesbian strap on riding felicitas woll nude pics

asian woman sex video sci fi sex central Saveamateur non nude pics Save